Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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