Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
