I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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