I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
