I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
