Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
