You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
