he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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