are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
