your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
