i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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