did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it's like iHOP with fire
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
