I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
