I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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