How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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