Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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