she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just threw up on my dentist
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
