**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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