Where did you get a picture of my penis
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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