Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
