Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
