are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
