Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
