he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
