Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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