Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
