Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
