somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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