I just made out with a guy for $7.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
