Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just pynch a tree in the face
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
