dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
