before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Everything about him screamed your future.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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