all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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