Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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