I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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