all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
