I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
