I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
