I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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