Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
