I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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