The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
