Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
