be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
