Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
