At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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