Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
