I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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