Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
