I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
